There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
