is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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