Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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