4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
