I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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