Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
