its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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