Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
You left your phone here
Wait...
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