My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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