Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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