I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
