You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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