You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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