guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
