I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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