I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
