everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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