Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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