it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
