She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
