It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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