the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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