I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
