he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
