DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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