it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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