So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
