Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
