my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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