just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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