i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
