Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize