paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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