How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
