He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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