A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
