aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
