Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
