as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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