Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize