R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
