I wish I could punch you in the face.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
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you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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