I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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