i need an iv and a liver transplant
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
