dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
