ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
