Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize