I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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