Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize