Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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