and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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