True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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