dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize