i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
