It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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