I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
