come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
