I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
