i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
