Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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