Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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