I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
