Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
