i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
