Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Never let your siblings swipe right.
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