morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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