As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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