R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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