You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
