I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
