When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This house was built for laser tag.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
