Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
3 2 1 whiskey
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
