I cut my penus on the lid.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
