girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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