No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
