Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
